London, Ep. 8

August 11, 2010 — A record-breakingly jam-packed Concrete crowd in Shoreditch witnessed the sitting skills of two of London's finest, as poet and Eric Gregory award-winner Jack Underwood's team outdueled Gavin James Bower's in a breakneck-paced game of Muzakal Chairs. The final score was 3-1, capturing Underwood the LDM title. 

But before the first chair was squatted in, the night — sponsored by Picador Books — began with Bower leading off the night, with a nonfiction tale of sex or something close, followed by "the voice of historical whoredom," Hallie Rubenhold (Lady Worsley’s Whim; An Eighteenth Century Tale of Sex, Scandal and Divorce) who read a trio of dazzlingly raunchy excerpts about sexual happenings in the 1700s. 

After the two readers, the mic was handed over to the cast of all-star judges, Dazed Digital's arts & culture overseer John Paul Pryor, Emmy the Great (of the album First Love), and brilliant comedian/conceptual artist Miriam Elia. The three reeled off commentary, and after "an hour of discussion" (said Elia) the three selected Bower to advance as the night's first finalist. 

Following a booze-fueled intermission, the second round kicked off with actress/author Abigail Tarttelin (representing Beautiful Books) reading a stellar 6:40.1 piece about the naughtiness of being, followed by Underwood, who reeled off three poems that ranged from Orangina ads in Paris (featuring bears) to a tiny piece about agnosticism. 

Again, co-hosts Todd Zuniga and Ann Heatherington handed the mic over to the judges, and after a deliberation, literary merit judge Pryor argued both of the second round readers should advance to the finals. But after a roar from the crowd, Zuniga had them make a decision, and they elected to have Underwood advance. 

Then came the finale, which pitted Underwood v. Bower in a 3-on-3 game of of Muzakal Chairs, in which four audience-plucked members were teamed with finalists. After Underwood's team took a quick 3-1 lead — bouncing team captain Bower in the process — Bower's lone member (named Harriet) fought valiantly to out-sit one of Underwood's members, but the two-to-one advantage proved too much for the darling Harriet, and the night ended with Underwood's proud side claiming victory for their general, giving him not only the LDM championship, but literary immortality.