London, Ep. 32

March 13, 2013 — In an electric night of wit, lit and comedy crit, Literary Death Match — sponsored by Picador — exploded back onto the London scene with a jam-packed show at Concrete that finished with a "Rave Against the Machine" finale that saw Rebecca Wait outduel co-finalist Ian Kelly in a "Make love, not horse burgers"/All the Pretty Horses spinoff by a narrow margin to win the Literary Death Match championship!

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Back in the urban glamour of Shoreditch High Street, four spectacular contenders took the stage for the first epic London instalment of Literary Death Match 2013. 

Our fabulous gilt-clad hosts, Adrian Todd Zuniga and Suzanne Azzopardi, kicked off the night - with poise and panache, and introduced the judges and readers.

Rocking the first round was author and Harry Potter actor Ian Kelly reading from Mr Foote’s Other Leg, telling the tale of Charles Macklin, at Drury Lane theatre and the unfortunate death of Thomas Hallam which culminated in being urinated upon by a transvestite.

The room fell deathly silent for Round 1’s second combatant Melissa Harrison, reading from her debut novel Clay, with the tale of 9 year old TC seeking refuge in his local common away from local gangs and the pressures of urban life.

We then turned to the judges, where Anna Raverat commended Ian Kelly for his reference to numerous parts of the human body; Eos Chater was reminded of an early Comic Relief sketch and John Niven relished the references to ancient masturbation. Commenting on Melissa, Eos liked that her shorts were the colour of dog’s blood and John said the gear change between the two authors was like moving from a wildebeest bumming a man to a child singing the Litany. After some wrangling, they decided that Ian should be the one to go through to the finale.

Round 2 saw new Picador author Rebecca Wait reading from The View on the Way Down describing young Emma’s struggles explaining the relevance of the Holy Trinity during a Christian Union group in her lunch break with her boy-obsessed friends.

The baton was then handed over to Will Storr reading from The Heretics and the agony of debating the true meaning of translated Hitler speeches with Holocaust denier David Irving.

After John Niven raised the burning issue that struck him from Rebecca’s reading: “Who would you do first, Jesus or God?” the judges deliberated and chose Rebecca as the Round 2 winner.

The grand finale was a Literary Rave - inspired by the Cormac McCarthy novel All the Pretty Horses, where both finalists had 41 seconds to have their say on the topic “Make love, not horseburgers”. The judges were joined by Melissa Harrison and Will Storr and the five of them put in their vote for the their favourite rave.

With the votes coming in at 4-3, Rebecca whipped the final point away from Ian and claimed her Literary Death Match victory.

And that was just the beginning as the evening quickly descended to a debauched affair of inebriated literary passion, prowling and prowess, and made for another legendary night of which our memories are hazy at best. Whether this is a good thing or not is perhaps better left open to debate.

Until the next!

Official Sponsor LDM London